Do you replay your mistakes in your head over and over again? If so, you’re not alone. Harsh self-criticism is pretty common.
But beating yourself up for your mistakes and punishing yourself for your failures could backfire. Being too tough on yourself may actually hinder your performance. Multiple studies show that treating yourself with more kindness could be the best way to gain better results.
Self-compassion strikes a balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement. Rather than getting down on yourself for making a mistake, or hosting a pity party when you encounter hardship, self-compassion involves taking a kind, but realistic view of your experience.
Kristen Neff, Ph.D., a pioneer in self-compassion research, says self-compassion has three main components:
- Self-kindness – replace harsh self-criticism with kinder, gentler words.
- Common humanity – acknowledge that suffering and personal failure is a universal experience.
- Mindfulness – observe your negative emotions without focusing on them or suppressing them
Self-compassion offers tremendous benefits that can help you become more successful. Research continues to uncover incredible social, psychological, and physical health benefits associated with self-kindness. Treating yourself with kindness:
- Increases motivation
- Boosts happiness
- Improves body image
- Enhances self-worth
- Fosters resilience to adversity
- Reduces psychological distress
If you tend to dwell on your mistakes or think you aren’t good enough, you could benefit from practicing a little more self-compassion. Ironically, accepting yourself for who you are may help you become better.
There are many exercises that can help you take a more self-compassionate approach. For starters, talk to yourself like you would speak to a trusted friend. Additionally, coach yourself in a supportive manner when you’re trying to recover from setbacks.
Saying kinder things to yourself won’t just help you feel better, it could also help you perform better.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, keynote speaker, and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, a bestselling book that is being translated into more than 20 languages.
October 11, 2015